Most kids probably don't see their
parents fall down. Maybe slip on some ice or trip awkwardly over
toys in the kitchen. But not fall flat on their faces like they're
just learning to walk.
My kids have seen Al do it twice. Both
times they have witnessed it first-hand while I was in a different
part of the house. I heard yelling. “Daddy fell!” and then,
“Daddy, are you all right?” My heart quickened as I ran to the
scene, wondering if I'd find blood or broken bones. He was all right
both times, but for certain, he was at least a little embarrassed. I
wonder what the kids think. Does it seem odd or scary to them? Or
is it just another part of this weird stroke that has robbed Dad of
something ambiguous, some part of what he once was?
Before Al even came home from the
hospital, a friend who has MS told me something. She began with,
“When Al falls. . . .” I don't remember what she said
after that, just that she emphasized the “when” rather than
saying “if”. Before he was released from the hospital, I made
certain to ask his physical therapist how to help him if he fell.
I'm so glad that I did. I've helped him numerous times after doing
floor exercises, after a stumble here or there, etc. But the 2 times
that he actually fell flat on his face, he managed to get up with the
least amount of help from me. Maybe after falling like that, he felt
he had to regain some dignity by getting himself upright again.
It's OK for our kids to see us fall.
In fact, I think it's important for our kids to see us fall. Not
physically, but spiritually. It's important for them to know that we
sin, and that we make mistakes. Now I'm not saying we should all run
out and pull a “grand theft auto” just to make sure our kids get
the point. I'm pretty sure that would be
counter-productive. And it's not that we should confess every sin to
them – that would be a bit overwhelming for them, wouldn't you say?
It's just that we want them to know that sin is inevitable in this
“body of death,” and that Jesus is the one who rescues us from
it. (Romans 7:21-25)
I happen to have kids who are quite
perfectionistic, and it's hard on them when they make mistakes,
especially when they're called on it. It's difficult, humbling, even
embarrassing to have to admit you did something wrong. It's hard to
say, “I'm sorry.” But the sooner they learn it, the better.
And in our house, we make the offender
say, “I'm sorry”, and the offendee has to say, “I forgive you.”
They can't say, “It's OK”. Because it's not OK that your
brother whacked you with his plastic lightsaber. It's not OK
that your sister stabbed you with her earring. That's why we
apologize – what we did was WRONG. So it's always, “I forgive
you.” In our understanding, in our family, that means, the slate
is wiped clean. I'm choosing to forget that you hurt me. Our
relationship is restored.
I think it's most difficult for the
kids to say to us as parents, “I forgive you” because saying
those words would mean they're admitting that we did something wrong
and need forgiveness. It might be scary or unsettling for any kid to
admit that their parents did something wrong, and saying it to their
parents' faces. But again, it restores the relationship. It tells
our children, “I'm learning as I grow. I will make mistakes as a
parent. But I will try again, by the grace of God, to be the kind of
parent God intended me to be.”
The only perfect parent they have is
Our Father in Heaven. And He, in His wisdom, gave us to our kids as
their earthly parents, even when He knew we would fall sometimes.
