Yes, the title is a bit oxymoronic.
Isn't Hope always happy or … hopeful?
A few nights ago, I rolled over in bed
to grab my husband's left hand. I do this sometimes just because I
love him, but mostly because his left arm gets spastic during the
night and it stretches out toward me, becoming a stiff beam across
the bed and locking me into an uncomfortable position on an outer
sliver of the bed. If I hold his hand or stroke his arm, sometimes
the tone will soften and I can push his arm back toward his side and
reclaim some of my part of the bed.
As I reached for his hand that night, I
was only half awake. Strangely, I was greeted by movement. I
squeezed his hand, and he fluttered his fingers back. Still being
groggy, I did it again, wondering why it seemed strange to me. Then
my eyes shot open and I asked him, “Is that your left hand
moving???” Sadly, his response was, “No.” He was using his
right hand to stretch out the fingers in his left hand, which
sometimes become uncomfortably tight during the night. He wears a
splint on his left hand to keep it straightened out instead of
shrinking into a tight ball, but sometimes his finger pull out of the
splint and do their own thing anyway. He had been fumbling with his
fingers to get them to cooperate enough to get them back into the
splint. I had grabbed his right hand, not his left.
Of course, I was disappointed. But I
was also somewhat surprised that, in my sleepy fog, it didn't seem so
strange to feel his hand moving. It was as if, somewhere in my
subconscious, I knew it would happen some day.
But in my conscious mind, I realized
that I have given up hope for Al to experience any further physical
recovery. I no longer expect my husband to walk perfectly or to
regain the use of his arm and hand. Is this reality, or am I
becoming a pessimist?
There is a reality in the medical world
that says his chances of regaining further mobility at this point in
his post-stroke rehab are slim to none. But there is an even greater
Reality that says that everything is possible for him who believes.
The father of the boy whose son was
possessed by demons said to Jesus:
“'If you can'?” said
Jesus. “Everything is possible for one who believes.”
Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help
me overcome my unbelief!”
(Mark 9:22-24)
It is time to return my true Hope to
the One who deserves it. I do not hope in the medical community,
although they have much to offer. I choose to hope in Jesus.
Lord, I do believe. Help me overcome
my unbelief.
It must seem so unreal to you.... There are things in my life that seem unreal, too...let me tell you. I know my wishes can't come true, but I hope yours will and, as they say (for good reason) - where there is life, there is hope.
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