For Better or for Worse

From Jenny Sue Got Married, originally posted on July 25, 2011. 

"For better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, 'til death do us part."

I went to a wedding this weekend, and this particular part of the ceremony always cements my commitment to my husband just a little bit more. I know I will love him 'til death do us part. And I always get a little choked up at weddings: the beauty of the bride appearing at the end of the aisle, the look on the groom's face as he beholds his bride, the solemnity of the vows.

At this wedding in particular, though, I actually almost started sobbing and had to leave for a few moments to collect myself. Not because there was anything wrong with the marriage - it is a truly blessed union between two people that I greatly respect. But I lost it because, right now, I'm really living the "for worse", "for poorer", and "in sickness" part with the aftermath of my husband's stroke.

There's something about having gone through the past 7 months that makes me all the more fiercely committed to Al. But it's also getting pretty tiring, for both of us, and I imagine especially for Al, who has to face the daily struggle of living thus far without the aid of his left side. I can't imagine what it must be like for him to stare at that hand and to try with all his might to move it, but it just won't budge.

But I get into self-pity quite often since I'm the one carrying the weight of the family, working full-time and practically being a single parent. I forget to encourage the one who really needs encouragement!

It is my deepest desire to blog about my daily events and struggles, but I don't even know where to start. I want to spare my husband's feelings - not cause him to feel as if he's a burden on me. And I want to spare him his modesty. So, that leaves little to blog about.

I haven't lost my sense of humor, but I'm trying to get it back into my (almost) daily writing habit. I don't want to poke fun at my gimp of husband (self-labeled, FYI - he wants to market himself as "Guy In Management Profession"), so it makes it a bit more complicated to shed humor on our life at his/our expense.

Just checking in. I keep promising that I will be more faithful at blogging, but I truly don't know if I can keep that promise right now. But if I can ask for a few prayers to be able to balance my life enough to not be completely overwhelmed, I might have just a little bit to give back to the blogging community!

Take care, peeps!